UPDATED: Pregnant & Adopting: Your questions answered

We are less than 3 months away from becoming parents! This is a repost with updates on our pregnancy & adoption journey. New or updated questions for those of you who already ready this are marked in RED.

If you have stumbled on this page and have no idea what we are talking about, go read the announcement first. If you have read that already, we realize there are naturally questions that arise. We’ve already been asked these several times. We try our best to be honest & open about our lives while still maintaining a level of privacy. So, with that in mind here are some of those questions.

PREGNANCY QUESTIONS:

Did you plan on getting pregnant right after miscarrying?

No. Although medically we were free to, we didn't know when we would feel up to "trying again". So we do feel blessed that now we don't have to make that decision. We actually went to the doctor thinking something was wrong and I had not completely healed from the miscarriage. She ran some tests and called us with the news. We were dumbfounded when the explanation for everything was that we were pregnant again. Its a really wonderful surprise!

When are you due?

Sept 9, 2010 with a GIRL (pictured left)

How are you feeling?

The first trimester was near debilitating, vomiting daily all throughout the day. But as

soon as 14 weeks hit, De Wet looked at me one day and said “you are back, you look like the Marysol I know!” Something switched and I hit the glorious pregnancy feeling. I now feel great and very healthy. I’ve been able to stay really active and involved in my normal life/ministry responsibilities. I’m tired most days, but if it could stay like this, I would mind being pregnant for longer. I love feeling our little girl kick away!

Will you have the baby in South Africa?

Yes. It would be too complicated to travel back to the US for the birth, stay there, wait

on a passport, return, and some how time that just right so we don't miss the call from the adoption agency. Talk about stressful! Plus our medical insurance does not cover a birth in the US, only in South Africa.

Do you have good hospital and doctor?

Yes. We feel we have been given nothing put the best of prenatal care. We have a great midwife, a back-up OBGYN should there be complications, and will be delivering at a hospital in Cape Town.

When you miscarried, did you consider tossing this whole idea of "twins" out the window?

Although we had questions to contend with in our grief, strangely enough this is the one thing that both of us did not waiver on once. And we asked each other alot. Obviously our timing was thrown off and we wondered if/when it would ever happen. But we both felt strongly that to let this dream go would be the greatest blow to our hearts.

Your place is tiny, will you be moving?

Yes! Maybe if there was just one baby coming we could stay here, but with two it would be chaotic. We moved in April and are busy setting up home. It was a last minute story of God providing a place as this is a tough rental market. We now have a balcony, large living room, and 2 bedrooms! Its taking us alot longer this time around with so much going on, so we are not quite ready to put up photos yet! :)

What if you are pregnant with twins?

We've already had an ultrasound just to be sure. There is one baby with one heartbeat!

Have you picked out names?

Yes. But they are are top secret!

ADOPTION QUESTIONS:

Why adopt?

This is a fair question but very difficult to answer in words. If you were to ask us why we want to have a biological child, we would be at a loss for how to describe it. How do you describe the desire to have children or make a baby? Since we were dating, we both wanted to adopt one day. It was always how we envisioned building our family.

We affirm that adoption is a concept God came up with and is at the core of our salvation. It is something He destined before the foundation of the world. He made the same choice based firstly on love. (Eph. 1:3-5) Although we have no biological connection to Jesus, we are fully a part of the family of God through the sacred and final act of adoption. We'd love to point you to a great short video on the theology of adoption that will perhaps even make you think even more deeply about how special your relationship is to to God as his child.

Have you chosen a gender?

Yes, a BOY! We wanted one of each gender and decided for God to just surprise us. Whatever we were pregnant with, we knew we would adopt the other gender.

At our first visit with the social worker way back before pregnancy, we casually asked about adoption differences in gender in South Africa. She told us boys are adopted less for alot of reasons. We went in with an open preference, but left feeling that we would really love a son through adoption. We kept this to ourselves, and really would have been THRILLED EITHER WAY God had it in mind. Now seeing the genders unfold how we secretly leaned is really exciting.

How old will your baby be when you bring him home?

An infant under 3 months old.

Where are things at currently with the adoption?

(Photo: with our awesome social worker, preparing for 2 of everything) We could probably write a whole separate post on this. Thank you for asking as it means alot to us. We have completed all of the paperwork, home visit, and other steps. We have one formal step to go, a panel meeting

on June 18th. After this meeting we are considered officially screened parents, suitable for being placed with a child. After that, the waiting game for the phone call begins. We have a strong feeling (from prayer and some conversations with our social worker) our son will be born late June/July. That is coming VERY SOON! However, due to new South African laws, he will not be placed with us until he is 8-11 weeks old. For those 8-11 weeks he will be a ward of the state and living at a place of safety that the agency organizes. That puts his homecoming near the time of our daughter’s birth (September-ish). No guarantees. How the exact timing will work out is in God’s hands. We get asked which child will come home first. Just like you can’t perfectly predict when a woman will give birth, you can’t predict this. Now, we wait, dream, prepare, and pray.

Did you start adopting because you miscarried or thought you might be infertile?

Not at all. Although we realize this is a reason for many other couples. Adoption was always in our hearts as much as getting pregnant. We actually began the adoption process before trying for our first pregnancy. Since we had this dream in mind of "the twins", we knew it would be good to get a head start on the paperwork.

When will you get to meet your baby or see a photo?

New laws now allow us to know who our baby will be and see photos of him when he is 6 weeks old, nothing before that. We can’t meet him though until the day we are placed with him (around 8-11 weeks old).

How close in age will the babies be?

Less than 3 months apart. We are hoping for as close together as possibly. They will try to match us with a baby that has a birthday as close as possible to our due date. We were straight up with our social worker from day one about this crazy idea we had. We poured out our hearts (and some tears) to her knowing full and well she had the power to tell us no. She looked at us and said "I don't think you are crazy at all. I stopped trying to dictate to God how He chooses to build families a long time ago. In fact, you are not the first family we've had do this." She then gave us the name and number of another family who did this that lives in our area!

What ethnicity will your baby be?

We know this is an awkward question. But its not one we feel awkward answering. Both our babies will be South African in their own way. Our baby will be from a specific South African people group named "Coloureds". We recognize that word is loaded in many parts of the United States, but here that's a legitimate name for their people group or tribe. The majority of the people in the province of South Africa that we serve in (Western Cape) are Coloured. They have a vibrant, unique culture and great food! One reason we specifically chose to adopt a Coloured baby is because they share the same language as De Wet's family, Afrikaans. Language is a big value to us. We place a high priority on being able to pass on part of our baby's heritage through language. Thus I have yet another reason to keep studying hard!

Tell me a bit more about how your adoption works. Why don't more people from the US adopt in South Africa? I thought an international adoption takes years?

(Photos: the paperwork of adoption)

We get questions like these alot especially from other families interested in adoption. Adoption in South Africa by Americans is tricky. Honestly we don't know enough about the topic to be much

of a resource. It can be done but generally not by someone living in the US. You need to be living here, and even then it can be a huge challenge. We've celebrated some massive obstacles overcome with friends here who have done it. The thing that makes our adoption different is that De Wet is a South African and we are living here. We are not adopting as Americans. The laws lean in favor South African citizens adopting South African children. This is domestic adoption handled fully in South Africa. Much like someone adopting domestically in the United States. Once our child is adopted here and all the paperwork is in place here this legally is our child. Its done. However, after that, we will begin the process of formalizing it in the United States, so that our child is a dual citizen.

Why did you choose to adopt from South Africa as opposed to somewhere else in the world?

We were open to an adoption from anywhere. However, the more we prayed about it and looked around we realized there are babies right here where we live. Maybe that was part of the plan of God having us here? Then realizing that there are so few adoptions (couple thousand) vs. children that need homes (couple million) happening in South Africa, largely in part to the legal structure and availability of parents. It was hard to ignore that God has given us a huge open door of opportunity with De Wet being South African. Being that this is a domestic adoption, it is also much more financial feasible for us.

What do your families think?

They couldn't be happier! The grandmothers are thrilled to be able to shop for both boy & girl clothes from the beginning. For De Wet's parents these babies are their first grandchildren. For my parents, my brother is having the first grandchild in April. So 2010, is the year of 3 grandkids for them.

Frequently Asked Questions

Great Expectations!

Life Right Now in Photos

See all Archives...

< PREVIOUS (older posts) (newer posts) NEXT >

08 June 2010

ADVERTISING

We personally sponsor a child in Haiti.

This website runs best on Firefox. Fast, Safe, Free. Switch today!

FOCUS ON

ORPHANS

Some days our life is a day at the beach... with about 40 kids!

67 MILES

ON A BIKE

De Wet beats Matt Damon and takes on Africa’s biggest cycle tour!