I remember reading somewhere about parenting multiples survival tips. One stuck out to me and its become a repeated statement between De Wet & I all year long. Lower that bar. In case you missed it, we’re celebrating a year with our twiblings.
Pretty much the author was saying: Your mom friends with one can do such and such that you will compare yourself too. Stop it. Now. Lower the bar. You have multiples. Your situations are totally different. Accept that. Actually I think its great advice for any new mother of 1 or 7.
Bring down those expectations.
Accept what you can and you can’t do given your situation.
Conversations this year in our house have gone something like this:
Me: The kids are still in their pajamas and its past noon.
Him: Lower that bar baby. They have clothes on, you’re golden.
Me: When’s the last time we bathed them?
Him: Lower that bar. They don’t smell.
Me: Lets stop sterilizing bottles. This is getting impossible to keep up with.
Him: Yes. Lower that bar. It builds natural immunity.
Me: I really should edit more of their baby photos.
Him: Lower the bar. Take now, photoshop when we are bored at 80.
Me: It took me months to build up to doing groceries with both of them.
Him: Lower that bar. Whose time table are you comparing yourself to?
I’m all for goal setting and excellence, but there’s alot of pressure out there. To read 2 books a week. Make your baby food from organic products. Have a spotless home. Spend quality learning, structured, free, independent, stimulated time with each kid every day. Stay involved in ministry or work as if you never had children. Keep your inbox at zero. Keep your laundry pile at zero. On and on it goes.
The thing about living by the bar is that it never stops being raised.
You think that bar stays in place, it doesn’t. It gets higher. It eats away at your ability to cope with the failures and celebrate the victories.
It gets multiplied by more people you start to compare yourself to. Perfect strangers have done this with me “Oh I don’t think I could be doing what you are doing”. I stop them mid sentence. We are each given grace accordingly. Some have infertility issues, some fight for years for an adoption, some have triplets or 5 kids under 4, some have kids with special needs, some have marriages that aren’t ready for kids. Life presents too many scenarios to live by the bars set by others.
Sheer twiblings survival this year has taught me to lower that bar.
Today, you should too.
Somehow missed this post when you posted it, but I think it is fantastic! Thanks for sharing, it applies to so many areas! Much fun in your venture!